Written By: Justin Halpern

Narrated By: Sean Schemmel

Date: May 2010

Duration: 3 hours 9 minutes


After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, twenty-eight-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his seventy-three-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair, has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:

"That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them."

"Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking."

"The worst thing you can be is a liar...Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two."

More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern's philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes.

An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny's, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halpern's kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh*t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.


  • Anonymous

    This book is so funny! Anyone with a Dad can relate. Read/listen in pieces for full maximum laughter.

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful.

  • Miguel H

    Great read!

  • stacia starbeck

    I thoroughly enjoyed it. I laughed out loud and I plan to listen to it again.

  • Jessica Teal

    I didn't care for the humor in this book and had to stop reading. I don't mind the cursing, but some of the things were down right rude and degrading for a father to say to or in front of his kids.

  • Bushra Rehman

    I made the mistake of listening to this book while driving on a three hour car trip. DON'T DO THAT! I can verify that it's impossible to laugh so hard and drive safely. If you can't hack a lot of swearing, this book is not for you.....but if you can, you've got to listen to this book. SOOOOO Funny and hidden little messages in the author's dad's comments. It was refreshing to hear just how much the author's dad loved him even if he expressed it in crude ways. Really, really enjoyed this book and will definitely follow the author on Twitter. PS: On a side note, this book was in my queue when my dad asked to see what types of books were available on audiobooks. I frantically tried to hid the fact that I was listening to a book titled "Shit my dad says" from my 80 year old father.....wshew!

  • Anonymous

    Hilarious book! Reminds me of my own father. His father is a very insightful, vulgar man... and I love him!

  • Brooke Ludwig

    I didn't really care for the style of writing or voices.

  • Emily Scott

    Neurotic but funny. I laughed out loud many times during this book.

Sh*t My Dad Says

by Justin Halpern

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Sh*t My Dad Says, Justin Halpern
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This title is due for release on May 4, 2010.

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