I Only Say This Because I Love You: Talking In Families

Written by:
Deborah Tannen
Narrated by:
Patricia Mulholland

Unabridged Audiobook

Release Date
February 2012
12 hours 0 minutes
Why does talk in families so often go in circles, leaving us tied up in knots? Linguist Deborah Tannen reveals why talking to family members is so often painful and problematic -- even when we're all adults.

Searching for signs of acceptance and belonging, we find signs of disapproval and rejection. Why do the seeds of family love so often yield a harvest of criticism and judgment? In I Only Say This Because I Love You, Tannen shows how important it is, in family talk, to learn to separate word meanings, or messages, from heart meanings, or metamessages -- unstated but powerful meanings that come from the history of our relationships and the way things are said.

Presenting real conversations from people's lives, Tannen explores what is actually going on in family talk, including how family conversations must balance the longing for connection with the desire for control, as we struggle to be close without giving up our freedom.

This eye-opening audiobook explains why grown women so often feel criticized by their mothers -- and why mothers feel they can't open their mouths around their grown daughters, why growing up male or female, or as an older or younger sibling, results in different experiences of family that persist throughout our lives. BY helping us to understand and redefine family talk, Tannen provides the tools to improve relationships with family members of every age.
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Angie Teal

I really loved how this book revealed the booby traps, that seemingly harmless talk between family members can trigger. I noticed quite a few of them in my own way of speaking with my husband and son. I also noticed them in how my older sisters speak to me. I listened to the book twice to learn how to not fall into these traps and have managed to avoid quite a few confrontations since using Deborah Tannen's solutions and ideas. This book offers a great insight in human communication and how we often don't hear the word message but a hidden meaning behind it.

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