Trauma-informed prompts, exercises, and real-life examples: how to set better boundaries and have courageous conversations with the Conflict Intimacy framework

An inclusive, gentle, and neurodivergent-affirming approach

Do Conflict Better is an accessible, interactive handbook for understanding and working through conflict with care, awareness, and skill. Written by trauma therapists Alex Iantaffi and Lior Effinger-Weintraub, this book shows how conflict is a natural, inevitable part of life. And it doesn’t need to be feared, avoided, shamed, or shut down: when we do it well, conflict can strengthen our relationships, transform our communication, and grow our agency for the better.

The authors show us how we bring our trauma into our conflicts...sometimes without realizing it. They unpack how different kinds of trauma—like individual, collective, and intergenerational trauma—shape how we show up to moments of disagreement and tension in all areas of our life, from our most personal and intimate relationships to our work spheres.

Organized into three sections on Trauma, Conflict, and Communication, Do Conflict Better teaches how:


- Nervous system responses like fight, flight, freeze, and fawn impact our ability to hold healthy conflict

- To develop the critical skill of “conflict intimacy” to channel disagreement, deepen trust, and nurture connection

- To set better boundaries, navigate shame, and engage in courageous conversations

- Community-based and restorative approaches to justice can lead to genuine accountability

- Trauma intersects with different neurotypes



Do Conflict Better takes a trauma-sensitive tone, written in language that intentionally nurtures a safer, less triggering reading experience than other books about conflict. With user-friendly prompts, exercises, and self-care activities, this book empowers us to move from avoidant and reactive conflict styles toward more intentional, compassionate, and authentic ways of relating.