Engorged Loins: The Most Erotical Novel Ever Told

An epic tale of one man's quest to save the world, one lover at a time.

A totally awesome novel that will fly off the shelves at airports, be on everyone’s nightstands, and get stolen from libraries all the time.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jeremy Pimples (@TheJPimp) is the most popular author of his era. A sophomore in the Golden Hills School District and already a winner of some award, his other rad works include the taut thriller Who to Call When Your Stalker is a 911 Operator, and Tit for Tat, a Mathematical Approach to Morality.

TEASER

'They did it in the shower. Steam poured up over the foggy glass, then her hands hit up against it and wiped off a lot of the steam by accident because she was paying so much attention to doing it. Through the parts where there was no steam on the glass, you could see their bodies going at it like a deli worker lost in thought about his ex wife, making a club sandwich and angrily slapping on extra slices of turkey.'

PRAISE

“If I had a nickel for every time I got aroused while reading this titillating hunk of words, I’d have $46.35. That would be 927 arousals plus $33.40 in profit. A great investment.” – Annabelle Faltado, CPA

“Genius. But not in that way where the geniuses are studying all the time and wear bowties and are totally nerdy. The kind of genius that has raging sexual desires and looks so handsome and smells so nice you would think he’s a stupid idiot who goes to the gym all the time but the joke’s on you because actually he’s really a mental genius.” – Kevin, Jeremy’s best friend

“Hands down, the sexiest thing I’ve ever read while sitting on the can.” – Paul Simon