The Intern's Handbook: A Thriller

Unabridged Audiobook

Written By: Shane Kuhn

Narrated By: Pete Simonelli

Publisher: Simon & Schuster

Date: April 2014

Duration: 8 hours 13 minutes


John Lago is an intern at one of the biggest law firms in Manhattan. He clocks eighty hours a week getting coffee, answering phones, and doing all of the shit work no one else wants to do . . . and he doesn’t make a dime. But John isn’t trying to claw his way to the top of the corporate food chain. He was hired to assassinate one of the firm’s high profile, heavily guarded partners. His internship is the perfect cover—enabling him to gather intel and secure the access he needs to execute a clean, untraceable kill.

A cinematic (and psychopathic) thriller, The Intern’s Handbook is John Lago’s unofficial survival guide for new recruits at Human Resources, Inc.—John’s real employer and a front for one of the most elite assassin training and “placement” programs in the world. What starts as a handbook becomes a darkly comic memoir in which John chronicles his final assignment and takes the listener on a twisted, violent thrill ride in which he is pitted against the strongest adversary he has ever faced—Alice, a federal agent assigned to investigate the same law firm partner John’s been hired to kill. In juxtaposition to John’s blood-soaked bravado are FBI surveillance transcripts in which he unwittingly exposes the deep scars from his horrific childhood, longs to connect with his true family, and, through Alice, hopes that love will help him find redemption from the body count that haunts his past and threatens his future.


Rule #4: Learn how to make the perfect cup of coffee.

This is the single most important part of your job as an intern. Go ahead, laugh. You can make copies and do runs until you’re blue in the face and an exec will not give a shit. You make him the best goddamned cup of coffee he’s ever had and he may not remember your name but he will make damn sure you are at his desk every morning for a repeat performance. That’s repetitive exposure, which begets access and trust. 44% of my kills came from my superior coffee-making ability. It’s simple, puts you in direct contact with the target, and it can be a vector for a variety of weapons. This opportunity presents itself more often than you think.