Winner of the 2026 Best Comedy ARIA

Ever wondered what sort of a police officer you might make?

Alfie Moore spent eighteen years on the Humberside police force before turning to stand-up comedy. In each episode of this live stand up show, he takes his audience through a scenario based on a real life case, and tasks them with deciding how they would have acted in the circumstances.

From drink driving to a missing gnome, road traffic collisions to the tricky subject of Stop and Search, not to mention a case in which you must imagine what it would be like if Bruce Lee came from Scunthorpe and had been hammering the kebabs for twenty years…

Along the way Alfie spills the beans on what it's really like to be one of Britain's finest, tells us some great anecdotes about law breakers and makers that he's come across and gets his audience to divulge secrets about their own, sometimes less than strictly law-abiding lives.

'Genuinely funny, sharp observational comedy....deftly done' - Chortle

'Brilliantly funny, genuinely hilarious' - David Mitchell

'A large dash of police gallows humour' - The Telegraph

'Offbeat, revealing and very funny' - Daily Mail

'A very funny man' - Rhod Gilbert

Series 1
1: Duncan Driver
2: Peaceful Protest
3: Ethel's Day Out

Series 2
1: Gobby Nobby
2: An Englishman’s Home
3: Trevor the Twoc’er
4: Spliffhanger (or Searching Question)
5: Help, I’m Being Harassed
6: Property Predicament

Series 3
1: Barry the Burglar
2: Punching Judy
3: Cedric the Gnome
4: Collision Decision

Written and performed by Alfie Moore
Produced by Alison Vernon-Smith