The New York Times bestselling author of Blackout excavates the three romantic entanglements that defined her adulthood—an electrifying examination of the blurry line between affection and obsession revealing the restless wanting that hums in us all.

“Honest and revealing, like a fast-paced, late-night conversation with a good friend—an unstinting recounting of relationships, but also the tale of how a person arrives at a greater understanding of the self.”—Vogue (Best Books of 2026)

“I’m scared I only want what I can’t have,” I said.
“Oh baby,” he said. “It’s the only thing there is to want.”

Sarah Hepola wanted so much: a big career; travel and adventure; deep relationships; passion. Having realized so many of those desires, she also grieved the ways her life was not what she’d always imagined it would be. Did I make the wrong choices? she wondered. Love the wrong people? Is love even a choice?

In The Only Thing There Is To Want, she revisits three complicated love affairs from her past, seeking to understand how they might have kept her from the life she’d envisioned, but also made her who she is. Tracing her search for love, she uncovers the myths she once believed could make her whole.

This dazzling portrait of modern romance captures the paradox of desire: wanting propels us forward and holds us back. Funny, achingly tender, and fearlessly intimate, The Only Thing There Is to Want is about discovering the beauty in the life you’ve built.