Text Me When You’re Outside (Or Not at All)

This audiobook is narrated by a digital voice.

Modern dating is 90% texting, 8% panicking about texting, and 2% actual face-to-face interaction. Text Me When You’re Outside (Or Not at All) is Fran Preston’s hilariously honest guide to navigating the confusing etiquette, emotional gymnastics, and sheer weirdness of romantic communication in the digital age.

From deciphering the meaning behind “haha” versus “lol,” to overanalysing the exact tone of “hey x,” Fran dives into the murky waters of read receipts, dry replies, voice notes, and the existential dread that comes with being left on “seen.”

This book is for anyone who’s ever drafted a message in Notes, roped in a friend to vet it, and still deleted it four times before hitting send. Whether you’re trying to flirt, follow up, or figure out if “let’s hang out soon” is a real plan or just polite noise, Fran’s got you.

Because in a world where people would rather ghost than communicate, sometimes the kindest thing you can do… is just not text at all.