What Would Susie Say?: Bullsh*t Wisdom About Love, Life and Comedy

Unabridged Audiobook

Written By: Susie Essman

Narrated By: Susie Essman

Publisher: Simon & Schuster

Date: October 2009

Duration: 6 hours 0 minutes


IN WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY?, Susie Essman sheds the crasser layers to reveal how she went from an anxiety-ridden, struggling stand-up comic to being one of the funniest women on television, playing Susie Greene on HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm. Emerging as one of the most successful performers in her field, Essman goes behind the scenes of a life in comedy with her funny cohorts, including Joy Behar, Rodney Dangerfield, and, of course, Jeff Garlin and Larry David, while also providing sidesplittingly funny wisdom on a range of topics that she's highly unqualified to expound upon, including men, sports, hypochondria, and stepparenthood.



'It took me a long time to find the man I was willing to commit myself to. Even the word commit is troublesome. One is committed to a mental institution.'


'As a dog lover, I've researched many different breeds and I've begun to realize that you can tell a lot about a person by what breed of dog they choose to associate with. A bit self-conscious about your cellulite? A guy with a shar-pei is for you. They're hard to find, but cheaper than lipo.'


'I guess I just have to accept the fact that I'm going to end up a bald, fat, sweaty, irritable woman with a dry vagina and a full beard who never sleeps and has memory loss so I won't even be able to remember how hot I used to look!'


'My mother used to tell me 'you can't buy your kids' love.' Bullshit. You can, and it's exponential. They're like Russian mail-order brides -- the more you spend, the more they love you.'

WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY? is Essman's irreverent, refreshingly candid, and hilarious retort to the dubious facts of life that we all face.


  • Laur

    Okay, I don't have HBO or where ever I could see 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' so I didn't even know who Susie Essman was before listening to her book. I didn't need to know who she is because this book is fabulous! She is a great teller of the stories of her life, she is funny, smart and she has quite a lot of great advice. One warning though: if you are squeemish about any sexual topics this book is not for you.

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful.

What Would Susie Say?: Bullsh*t Wisdom About Love, Life and Comedy

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What Would Susie Say?: Bullsh*t Wisdom About Love, Life and Comedy, Susie Essman