Will I Hate Myself?: A Story About Going For It

What if chasing your dream didn’t lead to fame or fortune—but to something far more honest?

At 36, Pat Treuer had the life people post about: six-figure job, corporate status, an apartment with a skyline view—and a quiet voice in his head screaming, “Is this it?” So he did what any rational person would do: he walked away from it all to tell jokes in bars for drink tickets and half-interested crowds.

Then came the pandemic. Pat launched a comedy business that brought in a million dollars—then reinvested every penny into a YouTube series that made exactly zero. Not a typo. Zero.

By 42, he found himself not chasing the next punchline, but rebuilding a life from scratch. On purpose, this time.

Will I Hate Myself is a hilariously raw, painfully honest memoir about risking everything, failing gloriously, and learning to create a life that actually fits. It’s part comedy crash reel, part spiritual sledgehammer.

If you’ve ever wondered whether you waited too long to change your life, felt stuck in a “successful” version of someone else’s dream, or asked yourself, “Is this all there is?”—this book is for you.

Through panic attacks, bad gigs, and moments of absurd grace, Pat offers more than laughs—he offers proof that it’s never too late to go off-script and start telling the truth.

This isn’t about making it. It’s about making it count.