For 2,500 years, Western civilization's brightest minds have been having spectacularly terrible ideas and convincing everyone else they're profound wisdom. From Plato's reality-denying Forms to postmodernism's truth-denying everything, philosophers have turned the simple act of being human into an impossibly complicated nightmare of bad theories and worse consequences.

This book is your hilarious, savage, and surprisingly educational tour through philosophy's greatest disasters:
Why Plato thought your entire life was fake (and why tech bros still believe him)
How Descartes split humans into ghosts driving meat robots
Why Kant's moral system would let Nazis murder your family rather than tell a lie
How Marx explained all of history through economics while mooching off his capitalist friend
Why philosophers convinced themselves that nothing matters while still caring very much about tenure
With biting wit and savage humor, this book exposes the elaborate nonsense that passes for profound wisdom in philosophy departments worldwide. You'll learn to spot bad ideas before they ruin your worldview, understand why smart people believe stupid things, and discover why that one philosophy major at every party is always so insufferable.