In the era of ubiquitous computing and the Internet of things, is it still possible to go, or be, offline? Can we still find a more embedded, autonomous, and attentive way of being, away from the constant distraction of our phones and screens? Or is it time to reconcile ourselves to a future where every thought and action is mediated by an algorithm? You Can Never Go Offline Again is an autoethnographic search for an elsewhere to the Internet. It chronicles the author's weekend digital detoxes, travels to Internet blackout zones, efforts at mindful consumption, and daily struggles to rein in his online activities, concluding that today there is no longer a meaningful distinction between online and off. The two have merged into one intermediated reality. Integrating literary memoir with anthropology, media studies, and philosophy, it takes stock of our digitally saturated moment and attempts to chart a path forward. Written in accessible prose, You Can Never Go Offline Again is essential listening for students and researchers of digital culture and anyone struggling to carve out a space for the in-person and face-to-face at a time when online has already become the default mode of being.